5 Months later...

God I gotta start getting better at this again. You think itd be easy; like riding a bike. I guess I just have my head get the better of me most times and next thing you know its 5 months since your last journal entry.  

So whats going on? You doing OK? I hope so. God knows I've been better.

So where to start this time....hmmm :bademoticon: ah bullet points seem the fastest. So lets begin!


  Well its been a full year of NOT getting pregnant AT ALL! So that's a miracle I'm sure lol :bademoticon: 

  Looks like I have a part time job; just waiting on my orientation date  

  Dan still hasnt gotten hired by anyone SOMEHOW but we are hopeful :bademoticon: 

  I'm going crazy and panicking about money because we have none  

   I want to draw but the drive isnt there and I'm still drawing (ha ha ha) up blanks of WHAT to draw; even though I KNOW I want to do more Crystal (season 3) style!   

   Ive been wanting to get pregnant because ive been missing it. Yeah I'd complain and whine once in a while because Id want things I couldn't have (like some drinks because they had caffeine but more so MEDICINE! Like even for a headache!)  

  I have been stuck yo-yoing between the same like 10-15lbs for the past few weeks/months. Its very frustrating especially when all I want to see is 399 but all I keep seeing is 410+  

 My depression feels like it gets the better of me more often then not. Putting myself down and not having me care about anything. :bademoticon: 

 I still have suicidal thoughts here and there but have not acted out on them. But I get scared I may one day. :bademoticon: 

  Ive been missing my mom and the babies alot (I miss them all the time everyday of course but they arent always specifically at the forefront of my brain)  

  I miss me...